A couple of jokes from my friend, S.B. West:

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of
castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding
with the females.
He hired a French guy who didn't speak much English, but was a very
good worker.
After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French
worker was just about to throw away the "parts", but the sheep farmer yelled,
"No! Don't throw those away!
My wife fries them up and we eat them.
They're delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'."
Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper, and indeed the
'sheep fries' were tasty.
The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled
down to another supper of 'sheep fries'.
The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife
where the French hired hand was, and she said,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing!
I told him since there weren't very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also
going to have French fries, and he ran like hell!!"




Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the local
California police force.
Sam, the detective conducting the interview, looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be a cop, eh?"

The blondes all nodded.

Sam got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a photograph, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to DETECT! You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He only has one eye!"

Sam shook his head and said, "Of COURSE he only has one eye in this picture! It's a PROFILE of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

Sam then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

The blonde immediately shot back, "Yes! He only has one ear!" Sam put his head in his hand and exclaimed,"Didn't you hear what I just said to the other lady? This is a PROFILE of the man's face! Of COURSE you can see only one ear!! You're excused, too!

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

Sam turned his attention to the last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but.....He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying with a sigh, "All right. Did YOU notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."

Sam frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly CAN'T WEAR GLASSES